Meowz! I'm an Ex Nin!
by Inkaide
Summary: Akatsuki/Sakura Sakura's just about had it when she realised that in front of her, 9 fully naked men, who were used to be lovable kitties, gathered together in front of her, who was only wearing a bra and underwear. And they looked horny. Aw, crap.
1. Tobi you klutz!

**(Edit: Okay, some of the readers are getting fucked up about how my story plot is the same as Fallacy's story, 'Take it or Leave it'. First of all, when I created this story, I had not read Fallacy's story, but I got this idea from a friend of mine at school. And when my first complaint came, I realize what had happened and quickly sent Fallacy a message saying that this was a problem. She agreed for me to do this story as long as I don't copy her, which I didn't. The only similar thing about this story and her's is that the Akatsuki transform into cats. That's the only similarity. Besides, there are many stories like this in Fanfiction, so why flame mine?)**

Minna-san! Welcome to me SECOND story on Fanfiction! This story will be a humor/romance/general fic about the Akatuski (lol, Acatsuki) moving into Sakura's home as the lovable kitties and have to try to stay in kitty form. However, Sakura later finds out that they're erm...killer Akatsuki so what will happen? Can Sakura keep quiet about this? Will the Akatsuki try to pull something? READ TO FIND OUT!

Sakura: Just get on with it you stupid, lazy author!

Me: Oh ya? Just for that, I'm going to make you have sex with Kisame!

Sakura: _Stutters_. You _wouldn't__!_

Me: Oh, I will...(Laughs Maniacally)

Kisame: I'm fine with that. (Smirks)

Sakura: Damn you fish breath! (Punches stomach)

(Kisame crashes through five house and dropped down with a thud)

Diedara: I give that a 10, yeah! It was beautiful art because art is a BANG, un.

Sasori: I give that a 1.5...art lasts forever. Kisame is lifeless therefore he is not art.

Diedara: Art is a BANG! (Throws a chunk of clay at Sasori) Katsu! (BOOM!)

(Sasori stumbles to his feet and gives Diedara the most evil glare you can possibly imagine.)

Diedara:...(SHRIEK!) DANNA!!!!! (Sasori chases after his idiot partner with his puppet.)

Me: Erm...(Turns to face audience.) Well, on with the story!

(In background, Sasori stomps on Deidara's girly head and is cheered on by his fellow Akatsuki-mates beside the unconscious Kisame)

Diedara: You're so MEAN Danna, yeah!

* * *

In the Akatsuki Headquarters

Rain splattered on the stony roof top of the Akatsuki Headquarters. Below, you could just make out the ten rainbow like shadows standing perfectly on ten jagged, long rocks. A figure with eyes the color of steel rings stood beside a blue-haired woman who started to speak.

"Akatsuki. We will begin… _Now" _Piercing Rinnegan eyed the ten shadowy members fiercely. Said shadowy members stopped mumbling amongst themselves. Deidara was stabbed with a kunai to shut him up though a muttered ouch was heard and a muffled threat.

"You might be wondering why we are meeting. During and after your missions, I have noticed that our group is having some…shall we say "issues" playing _nice_ with others, as well as amongst ourselves."

The Leader turned towards the different shadows, from left to right. "This is completely unacceptable and will be attended to immediatly." He rebuked.

The shadowy figures trembled, Leader sama's anger was a fierce thing to be reckoned with. He was apparently in one of his 'fixing' moods again. Every now and then, Pein decided to take a particular interest in helping them all improve themselves within Akatsuki. He liked to call them growing points to expand their world domination organization. There was no living with him when he got into such moods. They all shared a collectively thought groan, for to do so aloud would be tantamount to death.

"Itachi. You thought you could hide it from me but I am well aware of your deteriorating eyesight. You will correct this problem immediately by finding yourself an experienced medical ninja, or you might find your usefulness to Akatsuki start to fade." In reply, Itachi, the long-haired shadow 'hned' irritated.

"Kisame. You _will _learn to control your temper. Prospective buyers of our services look for excellence and I will demand nothing less but complete professionalism. Particularly towards your team-mate, Tobi-san. Beating him and leaving him in a trash bag is simply and completely unacceptable! If this situation is not rectified immediatly, well, let's just say it won't end in your favour." Kisame, the shark-looking shadow with hair that resembled an Icha Icha lover, grunted and looked at the small boy with a swirl of a mask with glaring eyes. "Tattle tale" He snarled. Tobi meeped sheepishly.

"Deidara." He turned to face the blonde-haired clay master. Deidara gulped. It was rare that Leader-sama focused so much on one person. Shit.

"When exactly was the last time you had a mental examination?" Pein's voice grew colder, harsher as he fixed his direct stare onto the art freak.

Kisame snickered and Deidara trembled. "Er, ah-"

"That was a rhetorical question!" Pein snapped, silencing the stuttering blonde who meeped.

"Get over your stupidity and initiate some sort of common sense or I will initiate mine and remove you permanently from Akatsuki! And you will stop using your _clay bombs_ whilst in Akatsuki headquarters, particularly when I'm in the bathroom!" Pein said fiercely.

Deidara couldn't help but snicker. That incident was completely and entirely worth it. This however earned him a smack in the head by his oh-so-lovable and caring Master and partner, Sasori.

"Idiot." Sasori muttered, eying Leader-sama and glaring at his partner.

"Ouch! Danna, un!" His eyes filled with tears and he fought back a sniffle "I-I thought you cared about me, yeah...Maybe even lov—OUCH, un!" Deidara got another smack in the head.

"Wouldn't that be like…pedophilia?" Kisame muttered.

"Kisame, do not pretend that you know the meaning of such large vocabularly words." Itachi said icily, silencing the shark man.

A silver haired man whispered to the person on his right, "I agree. That guy is fucking gay." The man that received the message chuckled darkly.

Sasori didn't miss that and with a flick of his fingers and some ninja wire he launched one of his creepy puppets flying towards the silver-haired man with the colorful vocabulary.

"You will desist in making such homosexual accusations or I will remove the rest of your appendages for you, and even Kakuzu won't be able to sew them back once I'm done!" Sasori snarled.

"I'm not gay!" Deidara whinned though no one particularly cared.

"Shit." Hidan said, lashing his scythe out to try and cut the wire. He missed and just as the puppet landed a hit towards the slow reacting member, Leader sama interrupted.

"QUIET!" Leader-sama's voice resounded off the rocks, echoing inside of their souls, quaking, as well as their ears.

Sasori released the wires, his puppet going limp, and he pulled the puppet back towards him with a single burst of chakra. Hidan flipped him off, pulling the skin off his eye as he did so. Meanwhile Kakuzu was placing bets with Tobi and Kisame on who would win the fight.

"Damn." Kakuzu breathed as he saw his frugal money-making schemes fail with Leader-sama's interference.

Taking a deep breath, Pein reminded himself that he had started this elite classed organization of S-class criminals and that killing them would defeat the purpose of having such an organization, even if they were all idiots, he continued with their previous talk. "Sasori. This brings me to a very valid point. The way you treat others in this organization doesn't merely reflect on you but it reflects on me. I will not tolerate failure on your part or my own. Therefore you will work on your attitude or I will interfere."

Sasori flinched. "Deidara is your _partner_. He is an equal- Er- Actually, scratch that. He's an idiot." Diedara hmped. "But try to erm...appreciate his stupidity."

All the Akatsuki members smirked at the insult but Deidara obviously didn't get it. He assumed that Leader was praising him and defending him from his Danna.

"Pein-sama, yeah! I love you! Now and forever, yeah! Thank you for taking my side, un!" The laughter in the room got louder. What Deidara failed to notice however were how many blood vessels were blaring on Pein's forehead. Konan growled.

"Deidara..." Pein's side of the room filled with dark, deathly aura. "OUT!" With that, Deidara promptly flew out of the room through the window no less. If it had simply been the window he might have laughed it off but when he fell plummeting onto the sharp rocks beneath the window of their tower and onto the protruding glass that had followed him on his way down, Deidara was somewhat less than amused and laughing as he would be if he had only been thrown violently out the window.

The shadowy Akatsuki members 'ooed' at the scene. They heard a scream, then followed by 'yeah'. Then another scream. Well that was that. They turned back to Leader sama like nothing important had happened, because in all honesty it hadn't. Deidara being an idiot was a completely normal occurance.

"So you were saying Pein-sama?" Itachi questioned.

"Ah yes. Zetsu. I heard a lot of complaints from Deidara that you tried to...eat him...when he was sleeping. Is this true?"

The black and white figure with the large venus fly-trap thing smirked then said, "Yes." Then added, by his darker side, **"Women taste better than men."**

"I heard that, yeah!" Deidara shrieked from outside.

"So he's not dead yet? Damn! Ugh, and I was planning on taking his piggy bank and selling his clothes!" The stitched figure groaned.

"I heard that too, yeah!" Again the idiot shrieked.

Kakuzu snickered and yelled, "You were suppose to, woman!" Deidara's anime-tears could be heard. "You're just too cruel, yeah!"

"ENOUGH! If this keeps up, I'll never get to the point of this useless meeting!" Pein snapped. There were murmurs of un-satisfaction.

"And we all will be late for our 7:00 manicures!" Pein added in a slightly mollified undertone. Oddly it worked.

Gasps could be heard through the headquarters. Tragedy would strike should they miss their fated weekly appointment. Evil S-class organizations hell bent on world domination always had some idiosyncracies after all. And really with all of the evil work they did, the long hours of destruction, assassination and general malevolence they put in, they deserved their weekly manicures. Nice nails were simply too important to cut from the budget. A poor fool had tried to comment on the nature of their finely manicured fingernail polish. By the time Akatsuki was through, the man and his entire family had simply vanished. And not just physically. There was simply no trace left of them ever having existed. His body was too mangled and burned to really distinguish all that well and he lacked bones, teeth and identifying features for the medics to identify.

The figures looked at their own nails and saw that they _really _needed a manicure. A good manicure. The last manicurist was simply so terrified of all of them (it must have been the cloaks, people were always scared of criminal organizations in uniform) that she missed the nail almost completely and had painted on their skin. She was shaking so much that when she tried to trim their nails, she accidently cut off some of their skin. As a result, Pein ordered Zetsu to eat her. But Zetsu ate her with the nail polish bottle open. Though Zetsu had eaten stranger things by far, nail polish just didn't set with him right, and so 5 hours later he got them back. But it wasn't a very _good _way to get somthing back. And it was painful to look at. But Zetsu learned a very powerful and important lesson that day. Let's just say Zetsu will always examine his food before he eats.

"Anyways, returning to the subject at hand." Pein turned towards the boy that was wearing the mask. "Tobi-san. We all know that you want to be part of the Akatsuki and we really do feel loved. Especially Deidara, he really needs to be loved."

"I thought _you_ loved me Pein-kun, yea—!" A shadow clone that resembles Leader kicked Deidara in the..._place. _

Pein went on. "So we all know that you want to try to impress us Tobi-san, but you can do it without speaking in third person and say 'Tobi is a good boy' in almost every sentence. It drives me—err—_us_, nuts."

Tobi thought about this for a second. For a _second._ Then he replied, "But Tobi is a GOOD boy!"

...

.......

............

.................

Silence.

...

.....

.........

............

More silence.

...

.......

............

.................

Pein clutched his face and opened his mouth…and shrieked.

"Hey! That's my screech, yeah!" Shouted Miss Idiotic.

Tobi stared at his traumatized Leader confused. What did he say? He was a good boy. Good boys don't cause their Leaders to go into a coma.

Kisame punched Tobi in the back of the head. "Now you've done it you little idiot! We were in the middle of a meeting, what should we do now?" Kisame paused, then his face brightened up ten-fold.

"Yes! That's it! Since Pein obviously no longer has the mental capacity to lead, we can start anew!" Kisame jumped to the Leader's rock. "I declare myself to be the new Akatsuki Leader!"

Shouts of disagreement and anger and stupidity (Tobi) started to happen. Everyone started to complain, (besides Itachi, Sasori and Konan, they were muttering something about 'idiot', 'fish-breath', and 'hn'.)

Stuff started to fly at the large blue targeted 'fish-breath'. Kisame tried his best to stay on the rock, acting 'Leader-ish' as it appeared they played a more violent version of king of the hill. Hidan threw the holy Jashin bible at him, hoping it might burn the heathen, or at least explode on him or something equally fucking awesome, but it only succeded in earning a large bruise and a yelp of pain. Cursing, he stabbed himself on the blunt end of his scythe inflicting himself for his stupidity. He had forgotten to offer his prayers to Jashin this morning and obviously needed more time in worship.

Zetsu threw his left over nail polish he still kept on him from the rather embarrassing eating fiasco with the manicurist. Kisame ducked, mortified that Zetsu would treat any sort of nail polish; even one as mortifyingly unusable as the current state of the bottle, on him in such a manner.

Kakuzu feeling left out, was about to throw the only worthwhile thing he had on him, which was his wallet but then he remembered he was a prudent penny pinching tightwad. He only had exactly 24 dollars and 32 cents on him. The change which would be justifiably sacrifice-able as Kakuzu had a strange dislike for dimes, but it would do minimal damage to the shark faced idiot. So he was content to recount his savings while muttering of his future glory, which was to but himself that pretty-ful dress he always wanted.. Sasori just sat there. Itachi did the same. Konan sighed. Tobi on the other hand was cheering like mad for the people who were throwing stuff at Kisame.

This continued on for quite a while whilst Pein was still in his coma-like trance. After 2 hours, the fighting got intense. Sasori, Itachi and Konan joined in. Everybody was fighting over the spot of Leader of Akatsuki. Kunai and random miscellaneous teddy bears were flying everywhere and it was clear that they were probably going to miss their manicure, leaving everyone tense and 'Mr. Grumpy Pants'.

Deidara had finally managed to limp himself back into the Headquarters only to find his favorite bunny boxers thrown in his face. He scowled angrily and decided to place a bomb on the underwear, launching them forward. Unfortunately, (as fortune usually never favored the blonde haired artist) the underwear did not fly far enough from his feminine face.

"KATSU! Yeah."

To make a short story even shorter, Deidara was lying lifeless on the ground, but it was no matter because his corpse was soon picked up and was used as ammo to be thrown at the other Akatsuki.

Tobi, however, was in a corner watching the scene. He would 'ooh' and 'aah' whenever someone blew up or got a hit in the 'specified area'. Not the good area. And when a candle got thrown at someone, he would clap and cheer, "Pretty colors..."

Realizing that the Leader-sama shadow they all thought was Leader-sama was simply a clone, Tobi started to get bored with their fighting. Tobi was a good boy, so he would go look for Leader-sama so they could finish their impromptu meeting. It was little wonder why the Akatsuki didn't meet very often. Not only were their meetings completely ineffective but they always ended in random amounts of violence and some rather mean name calling. He pounced up on his two left feet and started to prance around the lair in search for something pretty to throw. He stopped prancing in front of Leader-sama's door. On the door, it had a note:

**Off-limits to anyone other than me, Leader-sama and Konan-san.**

**Do not enter. **

**Explosives and harmful equipment inside.**

**Again, do NOT enter.**

**That means **_**you**_** Tobi-san.**

**-Leader-sama**

Unfortunately for Leader-sama ,Tobi didn't exactly know how to read properly so he read this:

**Off-limits to only me, Leader-sama.**

**Please enter.**

**Chocolate cake and icecream inside.**

**Again, **_**please**_** enter.**

**That means **_**you **_**Tobi-san.**

**-Leader-sama**

Tobi brightened up at how inviting his Leader was so he swung open the door and skipped in.

Inside the room, it was very dark. There was only one candle lighting up the dull room beside a work desk. Considering that Tobi was a curious nutshell, he hopped over to the desk and examined the things on it.

There was a few potion bottles, a basket of herbs, a few writing utensils, and a note with another potion bottle tied together. And this note read:

**Plan B: ****Funding Operations Emergency****: Akatsuki procedures on conflict management**

**Project Kittens**

**In case of financial problems, pour elixer on Akatsuki.**

**Sell them to someone.**

**Earn money from their cuteness.**

**Spend money on origami paper for Konan.**

**Start another Akatsuki.**

**Repeat cycle until completed. (See also: Laundry instructions)**

Again, Tobi had a tendency to "interpret" things that weren't precisely there. He thought it read:

**Plan B:**** Funding****Operations ****Emergency: Akatsuki Procedures on conflict management:**

**In case of traumatizing fighting problems, pour said kitten liquid on Akatsuki.**

**Give them to someone.**

**Earn good boyness points**

**Get a spot on Akatsuki permanently.**

**Pour on other people.**

**Repeat cycle until completed (This is good for laundry. Tobi is good at laundry)**

Tobi gleamed at the thought of earning more good boyness points. He without a second thought, snatched the bottle and ran back to the fighting Akatsuki.

When he got back, he ran towards them and shouted, "You guys! Tobi found a potion that will stop your fighting and get Tobi some more good boyness points!" The fighting paused, they stared at the lunatic, blinking every few seconds or so.

Kisame had the nerve and the stupidity to ask, "What will that do?"

Tobi brightened up and gave a big grin. "Tobi doesn't know, but Tobi found it in Leader-sama's room! It was—" Tobi tripped. He immediatly bounced back up. "—a potion and it said to bring good boyness to us all!" With that, he resumed his running towards them and prepared to dump the whole thing on the Akatsuki.

The Akatsuki was still clueless but a second later, it hit them. Hidan shouted in warning, "Tobi you fucking crazy swirly faced fucktard! Stop! In the fucking name of Jashin-sama, STOP!"

But the curse of the mighty Jashin sama was not enough, It was too late. Alas, Tobi had tripped on his on feet again, the bottles flying out of his hands with ninja like skill. In an odd stroke of luck, perhaps fate or an authors cleverly inserted plot line to turn the Akatsuki into adorable kittens and save leader sama some money, every bit of the potion went flying, droplets landing on them including Leader, who apparently wasn't a shadow clone as Tobi had originally thought, Deidara and himself. With a poof, 10 different kittens appeared. Haha...

* * *

**Yay! And it is complete! Thanks for the votes! I'm sorry that this chapter didn't have any SakuxAka but this is just the beginning! Next chapter will be about it. What will happen when Sakura realise that they were Akatsuki? Tune in to find out!**

**P.S. What are the main pairings you would like?**

**Ja ne!**


	2. I hate my name!

Minna-san!

I want to thank:

**xxxxxGothic-Angelxxxxx**

**iWeasel**

**Hilarious-Mahem**

**Kon Bubble Blaster**

**Kinara-chan**

**Thirrin73**

**MarzSpy**

**Akumakami-Jada**

**SoManyDots**

**Clairesa-chan**

For reviewing! I love you guys! Without you, I wouldn't have been able to update so soon! And a long chapter too! MUAW! Wow, I never expected so many reviewers...

Gaara: Am I going to be in this story?

Me: Of course! NOT!

Gaara: Hn.

Me: O.o I didn't know you'll be so cool with it...

Gaara: Oh, I'm cool with it...But just to give a warning, you better check _everything_ tonight. You never know when something terrible will happen to you...(Walks away)

Me: O.o Okay...uh...(Looks around dazed) W-well I u-uh...um.......S-story!

(Gaara snickers in the background)

Gaara: She'll come to her senses and add me in the story sooner or later, by that I mean SOONER.

* * *

_Flashback_

Tobi brightened up and gave a big grin. "Tobi doesn't know, but Tobi found it in Leader-sama's room! It was a potion and it said to bring good boyness to us all!" With that, he resumed his running towards them and prepared to dunk the whole thing on the Akatsuki.

The Akatsuki was still clueless but a second later, it hit them. Hidan shouted in danger, "Tobi you fucking crazy boy! Stop! In the fucking name of Jashin-sama, STOP!"

It was too late, Tobi had poured every bit of the potion on them including Leader, Deidara and himself. With a poof, 10 different kittens appeared.

_End of Flashback_

* * *

With Sakura

"Well, I'm going to head home now, ja ne!" A 5'' 6 girl with strange bubble gum hair waved to her shishou goodbye. Her name was Sakura Haruno and she was one of the strongest kunoichis in all of the ninja-villages. That was because she inherited some of her shishou's, Tsunade-sama, who was the 5th Hokage, power, in-human strength, and amazing medical skills, (including expolsive temper) that allowed her to become the second-in-command of Konoha, under, of course, the Hokage, her master.

Sakura began to run home to her weirdly large apartment to drop off her things from the hospital. She hummed and skipped towards her door and with a flick of her hand, grabbed the keys and unlocked to door, opening her view to the very, large apartment room. That had three floors. Does_ your_ house even have three floors? I'm guessing not.

Sakura's parents passed away a few years ago. The Haruno clan was wiped out other than Sakura (who was training) by the Akatsuki to gain information and secret jutsus from their library (the Haruno clan runs Konoha's library, that's a fact). Sakura was surprisingly cool with it, maybe it was the way her parents never noticed her, or that they were never together, or that Sakura enjoyed her time alone...Naw.

It was actually because that when her parents died, they left a secret Haruno Clan chamber unlocked. Sakura have always been curious to see what was behind those seals. And behind the door is a place...a magical place...filled with...a secret that _all_ have wished to know...something _so_ amazing that _everyone_ will give up _anything_ to know...and behind those doors...is...a box...filled with...

JELLY FILLED DONUTS!

Surprised much? Well, let's just say that Sakura has a weakness for jellyfilled donuts. To prove it, let's take that time on a mission where Naruto, Yamato, Sai, and Sakura had to break into a Sound Cave:

_Flashback_

"Sakura!" A clank was heard when two kunais met. "I'll handle this guy, go help Naruto!" Yamato dodged blow to the head and punched the attacker in the stomach.

"Hai, Yamato-sensei!" Sakura raced back toward the wounded Naruto who was taking on three Sound-nins.

Naruto preformed a Shadow Clone Jutsu and ordered them to sneak behind a Nin. While the clones were taking on that guy, Naruto was still weak to fend off two other Sound Nins. Not to mention, that Naruto was almost out of Chakra. Sakura sprung into the fight to kick the hell out of the unforturnate Sound. While she killed him, Naruto collapsed on the ground, exhausted.

An opening was made for the last remaining Sound Nin as he threw a poison-dipped senbon needle at the fox container. Sakura ran in front of Naruto and caught the needle. Without hesitation, she aimed and fired at the Nin's neck. The Nin fell, with the face to the floor and the butt arching out.

"Good work Sakura." Yamato walked to them holding the scruff of a Nin's jacket. Sakura gave a bright smile.

"That was GREAT Sakura-chan!" Naruto screamed. "You totally kicked ass!"

"You could have done better dickless. Even the hag beat you." A Sasuke-twin showed up giving a fake smile. In return, he got two evil, deadly glares from 'dickless' and 'hag'.

Yamato broke them apart, "Well, looks like our mission's complete. Let's head back." He started leading the way out.

The group followed Yamato for awhile, until a large group of Sound Nin suddenly appeared. The Sound Nin surrounded them, encircling them.

"Aww man! I thought we took care of you bastards!" Sakura swore under her breath. The Sound creeped closer to them, ready to spring. "Alright, you asked for it!" Sakura loaded a fistful of Chakra and went into battle position. "I'm going to send you Sound back to—" Suddenly, Sakura paused, then sniffed the air. It smelled like...could it be? "JELLY!" Everyone started at her, even the Sound. Awkward silence. Sakura didn't notice and ran forward, using her fistful of Chakra to knock the Sound in front of her away.

As Sakura ran away towards her yummy jelly-filled delight, she totally forgot about the team she left behind...

"SAKURA-CHAN! Don't leave—" The screech of Naruto died away when someone punched him in the dick. "EEK...That...hurt..." Naruto crawled into a feeble position. "Idiot, you don't have a dick, dickless."

...until she found them in Konoha...a week later...all beat up.

_End of Flashback_

And that is the story of the jelly, the crazy girl, and a pain-filled dick.

"Hum de dum dum..." Sakura skipped towards the couch and dropped off her things. "Or is it, 'Dum de dum hum'? Or 'De Dum de Hum hum'?" Muttered Sakura. "Meh, doesn't matter." She continued to skip towards the Haruno Clan Chamber to well, pick up a jelly-filled donut. "What should I do today?" Sakura plopped back on the couch, munching on the tasty delight. A light bulb appeared on top of her head. "I got it!" She ate the remaining pieces of the donut and grabbed her purse. "I got to go shopping today!" With that, Sakura sprinted out of the house, in search of something to eat...well something at least edible.

* * *

With the Mailman

An old looking geezer creeped onto the territory of the Akatsuki. He was assigned to deliver mail to them and back to another Organization because well, the last mailman, who was his son, died. We don't want to go into that story. It just involved an accident, cream cheese over mailman, and a cheese craved Zetsu. Did I mention that the mailman also carried a wallet? Oo, whoopee for Kakuzu. Exactly $5.75 more dollars into Kakuzu's wallet.

The mailman was now at the entrance to the hideout. Weird, normally someone would be waiting for him here, he didn't know anything about how to get in. "Hello?" He asked timidly. When no reply came, he just remained quiet. _'I guess I'll wait here...Hope that cannibal doesn't try to eat me.'_A small mew interrupted his disturbed thoughts. The mailman looked at the small dent in the large boulder and saw a black and white kitten. He picked him up (the kitty's a 'him' because the mailman saw the...thing...bellow the belly button area...) "Aww, you're so cute...~KYA!" The black and white kitten bit him harshly on the hand and jumped off. "Bad kitty!" The kitty raised his leg kicked the mailman. "Mew." The kitty smirked and left back in the headquarters.

The mailman swore and wanted to torture the kitten. But, there was something about the kitten that reminded him of the cannibal that ate his poor, cream cheese dipped son. The mailman decided to see if anyone was in the cave. The man rubbed his sore hand and hesitantly crawled in the crack of the headquarters.

That when he saw a large cardboard box filled with many un-natural coloured cats. By the looks of things, there was about ten of them. He noticed the 'bad kitty' crawling towards the box, give him another smirk, and hopped in. A orange and black tabby glomped the black and white one and without any effort, the black and white one kicked the tabby away. The other kitties chuckled in light mews.

The mailman walked over to the box and saw a note taped it. He noticed that there was a poorly written one that was crossed out by a big 'X', and below it, was a more formal one. It read:

_(Crossed out:)_

**hI !**

**tHis si TOBI! nAd LeAdRE-SaMA wAnT yOu to DelIeVr Tish bOX to KoNohA!**

**gIve ThISH to anY1 to cLaIm ush at A sHopPinh CeNtr!**

**ByE !**

_(Replaced the crossed out one:)_

**Dear the Father-of-the-Mailman****-that-Zetsu-ate:**

**Please excuse my foolish team-mate. We would highly appreciate it if you**

**would do us a kind favor and deliver this box of kittens to Konoha's most popular shopping store.**

**Thank you.**

**P.S: I'm sorry about your son.**

The mailman glanced all around the room and quickly picked up the box of felines and darted out the door. It's time to deliver Leader-sama's request.

* * *

With Sakura

"Let's see now...I already bought ten tomatoes, celery, broccoli, oranges, a few good books including the weekly hentai Kakashi-sensei asked me to buy," Sakura sweat dropped. When she entered that store, people were drooling over the fact of naked woman with large busts and naked men...eww. ", and of course, 500 pounds of JELLY-FILLED DONUTS!" Sakura jumped in the air and giggled to herself. That when a sign caught her eye.

**Selling orphan kittens for free.**

**They include kittens of all sorts of colors.**

**They need a home and someone to take care of them.**

**If they aren't taken before April 24, they will be put to sleep.**

**Please adopt a kitten.**

**Thank you for your patience of reading this poster that out boss forced us to put up.**

**Address: Right in front of you genius.**

Sakura huffed at the attitude of the poster and gave it a good punch. Then she looked up and saw that the store _was_ right in front of her. Huh...

Sakura walked into the store and looked around. She saw cockatoos and puppies and bunnies and fish. Not to mention the snakes, tarantulas and deadly alligators. Sakura walked up to the cashier and asked, "Umm...I saw the poster up front, I was wondering if i could adopt one?"

The cashier was surprised to see that someone actually wanted them. "Y-you want to adopt _them_?" She stuttered. Sakura nodded, "Hai, are they no longer available?"

She put her hands in front of her face and shook, "N-no! I was just surprised is all!" Then she muttered under her breath, "Can't believe anyone actually want them...Huh, surprise surprise..." Then she realized that Sakura was staring at her. Without a second later, she ran out the back door and came back withabox filled with tiny little kitties. They were clawing at each other and yelling out names (in meow-neese) and jumping at the closest cat.

"Aww! So kawaii!" Sakura shrieked and held her face while little hearts came out of her. The kitties realized that there was someone looking at them and immediatly stopped. Especially the red furred one. He knew the pink-haired girl _very_ well, considering that she's the one who killed him...

"Erm...uh" Sakura scratched her head in thought. "Uhh...I'LL TAKE THEM ALL!" Sakura dropped her groceries in the box, smushing the black one, which 'hn'ed at her, and picked up the box and sprinting out the door back to her apartment.

"M'am..." The cashier person muttered while sweatdropping. "Good luck..."

* * *

With Sakura and the kitties!

Sakura bent down to be eye-level with the group of kitties which Sakura aligned in a straight line. "Well, I guess i'm going to have to name you!" She picked up the most left one. He (Sakura established that all of them were male, except for one, when she looked at the butt) had long, yellow fur with a pair of curious eyes. The kitty was shifting and bouncing in Sakura's hands.

"Hmm...What shall I name ye...? You're silly...girly looking...stupid..." The cat sent Sakura a death glare. "Ah! I know! I'm gonna call ya Fruity!" The cat shrieked at the name and jumped out of her grasp. He went back in line next to a red furred one and tried to hug the red cat. Like before, the red cat kicked Fruity away. Then Fruity muttered a mew that resembles the word, "meanie".

Sakura ignored it and picked up the red one. She thought that she recongnized this kitty before...But she shook it off and tried to decide on his name. He had a pelt of bloody red and a pair of lazy, cool, brown eyes. "Ehh...Stop staring at me like that..." The scarlet furred one didn't obey. "Fine! Because of your attitude, I'm going to call you..." Sakura pondered, then she smirked an evil smirk, "Rudolf!" Rudolf's left eye twitched, and continued to glare at Sakura. Sakura started to feel uncomfortable. "W-well, at least I didn't call you Elmo!" The cats all started to mew like laughter and the blue furred one fell on its back. Sakura smiled in knowing that the rest of the litter seemed to enjoy the name.

She put down Rudolf and picked up the fallen over blue furred one. _'Blue fur? That strange...maybe someone dyed its fur...'_This kitty was the biggest of all of them. He had blue fur and light blue eyes. Under them, on his face, was lines that looked like gills. Sakura poked the gills and found them to be real! _'What a weird bunch.' _Sakura tried to think up a name for him but just couldn't think up of one. But than she related his appearance to his name, and a name came up instantly. "Sushi!" Sushi stopped his laughter and his jaw fell open. What he doesn't like the most was being related to a fish! True, he looked like one, but people didn't need to rub it in! Sushi jumped out of her hands and went back to his seat to mope.

The next one was a very calm black furred one. The weird thing is, his eyes were fully red. Creepy. Sakura tried to take him in his hands, but he shifted away. She tried again. He shifted more. Again. Shift. "SHANNARO!" Sakura jumped on the kitty and grabbed him. "Gotcha! Let's see...you're stubborn, creepy, and emo." Sakura thought up of one. "Sasuke!" Sasuke looked behind him to see if the pink haired freak was talking about his fooling little brother. But there was no one behind him. Then he got the message. _His _name was Sasuke...Aww man. Following what Sushi did, Sasuke started to act emo and remained silent when he walked to his spot. Sasuke and Sushi looked at each other, then back down at the floor.

Beside the moping duet, she noticed an odd black and white cat with fairly sharp teeth. Yes, in her life, she has seen black and white cats before, but not like this one; The colour for this one was exactly cut in half. Black on the right side and white on the other. His tail was even divided into two colours. _'I wonder if...'_Sakura tried to sneak a glance below his belly to see if...Sakura blushed. She shook it off and concentrated on naming him something cool, something snazzy. "OREO!" Oreo shrugged and walked back to his spot. He noticed four people glaring at him and Oreo turned his head to the right. Sushi, Sasuke, Rudolf and Fruity glared at him in jeolously. Oreo smirked and stuck out his tongue in a mocking way.

Before Sakura could pick up the next one, a orange and black tabby pranced in Sakura's lap. He snuggled into Sakura's erm...womanhood...and started to sleep. Everyone—cat, twitched at the sight besides the violet furred one. She just found it intruding. "Aww...How kawaii!" Sakura slowly picked him up without waking him and tried to think up a real good name. "You're cute, happy, prancy and of course, so cooperative," She sent a glare at the four cats who were in depression. "I'm gonna name you...Donut! Short for my favourite food, jelly filled donuts!" Every cat sweat dropped. It wasn't much of a good name.

Sakura giggled at her 'brilliance' and replaced the sleeping Donut with a silver furred one. This cat had pink eyes with a annoyed touch in them. The cat shrieked when Sakura touched him and he struggled to run away. Sakura got annoyed at his behaviour and decided to punish him by naming him something ridiculous. Sakura looked around trying to get inspiration while concentrating on ignoring the cat's tantrum. '_Better cut off the food supply for him...' _Sakura's gaze locked on something. Something in the washroom. Something white. She smirked. The silver cat followed her evil gaze towards that object. Aw no. Hell no. Why him!? "Toilet Paper!" Sakura's final conclusion ended up with many cats bursting out in laughter. At least the others won't feel as bad with their names as before. Toilet Paper rushed back to his spot and starting mewing ferociously to himself.

_'Only 3 more naming ceremonies! Then I get to feed them and stuff!' _She picked up a strange looking cat. Freaky too. The cat has a bunch of stitches around his body. Leg. Arm. Neck. Tail. Nose. _WEINER!_. This cat is starting to look like Micheal Jackson!. _'That's it!' _Sakura gleemed at her naming speed. "You're going to be called, Micheal Jackson!" Micheal Jackson fell face forward, on the ground. He stopped moving. Sakura poked him. Nothing._ 'I guess he's so excited about the name, he fainted! I make myself proud!' _She brushed Micheal Jackson back between Toilet Paper and a violet haired one. Everycat stared at Sakura. Was she an idiot or what?

"Last two!" Sakura took the violet one in care because this one was the only girl one of all these cats. She's gonna take care of her. She had violet fur with deep navy blue eyes. On her head, was a folded piece of paper. It was actually a paper rose, but since Sakura didn't really bother, she took it for some garbage that got stuck in her fur. Sakura took the paper and crumpled it. She scaned around for a garbage can, than tossed it in. Sakura looked back at the kitten to realize that she was frozen, with paws out, jaw open, staring at the crumpled rose. "What? You liked it? Well, that gives me a great name! Origami!" Sakura declared. Origami looked down and sighed. She joined the moping group. Well, at least her name wasn't Micheal Jackson...

The last cat was the one that remained quiet for the whole time. He had a full pelt of orange and his eyes were pure amber. Really attractive cat. Sakura picked him up and gazed at his ringed eyes. "Beautiful...I'm going to name you..." The cat remained silent. "TEDDY!"

Faint.

Sakura gave a confused look because this was the same reaction that Micheal Jackson did. Sakura decided that the cat must be really happy with the name that she gave him. That or the cat was tired. But she went with the first conclusion because it made her feel better.

Sakura looked at the kitties in adoration and a growl consumed the room. The growl came from Sakura's and the kitties tummies.

"Ah! Are you guys hungry?" Fruity blushed in embarrassment as well as Micheal Jackson. "Aww! Kawaii!" She cooed. "Be right back!" Sakura sprung up and ran towards the kitchen. The cats gazes followed her. After two seconds, Sakura ran back and plopped to the ground in front of them. "Eto...What do kitties eat?" Sakura sheepishly scratched the back of her head.

A bunch of annoyed sighs exited the kitties's mouths.

"H-hey! It's not my fault! I-I just never took care of p-pets before!" Defended Sakura with both hands in front of her face. Sasuke smirked at her attitude. "Okay, just tell me what you want okay?" Sakura began to fill her mind with any food that seemed cat-like.

"Tomatoes?" Sasuke nodded.

"Candy?" Donut nodded enthusiastically. Fruity smacked Donuts head.

"Lettuce?" Teddy nodded.

"Meat?" Nothing.

"Animal meat?" Still nothing.

"_Human _meat?" Oreo looked around and slowly nodded. Sakura shuddered. Major carnivore. _'Note to self: Stay away from Oreo.'_

"Erm...Fish?" Toilet Paper smirked at Sushi and meowed loudly. Micheal Jackson joined in. That earned them a good glare from Sushi.

"Shark Fin Soup?" Every cat other than Sushi nodded. Sushi began to weep.

"Potato chips?" Fruity and Rudolf nodded.

Sakura realized that Origami is the only cat who still haven't given Sakura a clue as to what she prefers.

"Oranges?"

"Almond?"

"Pizza?" Fruity and Donut jumped in agreement.

"Then what do you eat? Paper?! " Origami blushed and hesitantly nodded.

Sakura sweat dropped. "Figures." Teddy chuckled. Origami shot him a embarrassed glance.

Sakura got up. "Well, I'm going to go look for the stuff that you..._cats_...wanted..." Sakura entered back into the kitchen to start preparing the dishes.

In Catenese

"TOBI! (yeah)" All the cats sprung the clueless 'good boy'.

"Tobi is sorry Pein-sama! Tobi didn't know that potion will turn Akatsuki into kitties! Tobi read a note on Pein-sama's room. It said for Tobi to enter. Then Tobi saw a potion bottle thing and Tobi read another note. It said that if Tobi pours liquid on Akatsuki, Tobi will get good boyness points!" Of course...

The rest of the Akatsuki decided that Tobi will remain an idiot even if they tried to explain what was going on.

"Well, at least this female seems reliable..." Micheal Jackson sighed.

"Not just fucking reliable Kakuzu! She's fucking hot!" Toilet Paper started to drool while thinking of perverted images.

"Yes! Sakura-san is _very_ beautiful!" Tobi chimed.

"Hidan, yeah!" Fruity interrupted his daydreaming. "Stop dreaming about you and _my_ cherry blosso—Eep!" Fruity covered his mouth, blushing. "I-I mean, stop daydreaming about you and o-our caretaker...yeah..."

Rudolf snicked evilly. "Oh Deidara, you _don't _like Sakura huh?" Deidara nodded hesitantly. "If that's the case, you wouldn't mind me making out with her, mm?" Deidara narrowed his eyes, trying to fight back his feelings.

"Hey, Sasori! What made you think that _you _can make out with her?" Sushi demanded. Sasuke, unknowingly nodded.

Sasori growled. Then he smirked. "Well Kisame, let's say that Sakura _somehow _decided to kiss you, which is highly unlikely," Kisame was about to claw Sasori until Sasuke held him back. "Your rotten, sharp teeth would hurt her."

"Why you—" Kisame was inturrupted by Oreo appearing in front of him. "Move! Zetsu move!"

With Sakura

Sakura was preparing the sliced tomatoes for Sasuke when she heard a bunch of loud shrieking coming from the living room. "Oh, they're just having so much fun~!"

With the Akatsuki

"Calm down Kisame." Zetsu's white side spoke calmly. **"Leader-sama wants to speak to ya."**Kisame stopped shaking and relaxed.

All the Akatsuki's attention turned towards Teddy, in other words, Pein.

"Stop fighting, all of you. I can't believe this is all towards a helpless, weak, pink-haired girl. _Pink _haired girl. _Pink._I mean, how unmanly is that?!?" The Akatsuki nodded and hung their heads in shame.

"Anyways, let me get to the point. The potion will wear off in around 9-12 months. So that means we will be in the girls care for around a year." A 'woop' came from Deidara and Hidan. "We cannot let her find out that we are the Akatsuki or else she might take us to the Hokage understood?" Nod.

"We turn back into human form whenever we come in contact with water. But after 10 minutes, we should turn back into cat form, so make sure that you don't get wet." A loud moan came from Origami. "Konan-san, I know you are a female, and females tend to care about their smell, but this is for the good of the Akatsuki." Konan agreed while slightly blushing.

"Another way that we turn into human form is when the sun sets, and their is no light what-so-ever. That means, whenever it is night time, we need to somehow get light on us, that or we hide.

"Does everyone understand?"

Mews started to fill the large living room. "That's good. Oh and also, no fighting. No acting careless. And definitely! NO FOOLISHNESS!" Pein shot two scary glares at Deidara and Tobi.

"If that's cleared, I have one more order. Since we're here, we might as well relax. So Akatsuki! Dismissed!" Pein walked away with Konan.

Itachi smirked. "I wonder what's going to happen..."

Hidan chuckled. "I want to fucking play with my cherry blossom..."

Deidara added evilly, "She won't know what hit her..." Zetsu's dark half joined in.

"I hope she can handle it..." Laughed Kisame along with Kakuzu. Sasori glanced back at the kitchen to see Sakura running towards them with all their dishes. "Let the games begin."

* * *

And lo, it is DONE! That was a fairly long chapter...4,700 words to be exact.

I hoped you guys like it! The next chapter will be kinda perverted...hehe...

I got only one recommendation for this stories main pairing, and that's Tobi/Sakura. But that's only one so I still have no clue. I'm posting a pairings poll on my profile for this story. Please vote on it because I NEED to know what are the few main pairings that I should focus on.

Arigato!

P.S. My other story, TTOD, is still being typed so don't worry, I didn't quit it! I don't quit stories! Ja ne! Remember to vote!


	3. Bath Time? Hurry! Hide!

Minna-san!

I'm quite sorry about the REALLY looong wait for this chapter...but really, I do have NO excuses. I was just too lazy...hehe...gomenassai. (Rubs head sheepishly) Also because I went to Quebec with my class on a field trip for 5 days so...Anyways...

Thanks for all the wonderful reviews! I wouldn't have updated so quickly without them! KYA! I decided to not have any major pairings in this one because most of you requested that. But I DO need a few main ones for me to focus on when..._stuff_...happens...Ya...

**I'm going to respond to your reviews in here after the chapter so read them for laughter and replies!**

I'm doing this because:** 1. Easier.** 2. Quicker.** 3. I'm too lazy.** And 4. It makes my story seem longer.

* * *

Sasori: Man, you are such a loser...

Me: O-oh ya?!? Well...(Thinks) O-o ya!?!

Sasori: Yep.

Deidara: 8DYou just got pwned, yeah! AHAHA! IDIOT! YEAH! IDIO—Waa? What's that? Yeah?

(Me holding a chocolate cake with a strange clay substance hidden inside)

Me: Come on...you know you want it...(Deidara continues to drool) It's all yours if you say that 'I am the bestest' and that 'you are a big, stupid, demented, moron-butt-head...'

Sasori: Aw geez...(Sasori notices the clay) This should be interesting. (Pulls out a love seat and some popcorn and soda)

Deidara: Y-you...(Gives in) YOUR THE BESTEST AND THAT I AM A BIG, FAT, DEMENTED, CRAZY, DISTURBING, ANNOYING err...What was the rest again, yeah?

Me: (Sweatdrops) Err...Moron-butt-head.

Deidara: MORON BUTT HEAD! YEAH! (Grabs chocolate delight and devoures it in less time than how long Tobi can last not-being-stupid...And that's really saying something...)

(Akatsuki watches with evil grins on their faces. Me chuckles.)

Deidara: Hmm? What? Is there something in my teeth, yeah?! (Reveals chocolate covered teeth)

Neji: No, you incredibly, idiotic, no destiny-filled, moron. Didn't you notice something _odd_ in your sweet mixture-filled-dessert? (When did HE get here?)

(Deidara licks his lips) No...not really...yeah...

Me: Well, let me demonstrate it...(Places hand in a peace position in front of mouth.) **KATSU!**

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Kisame: ...I ain't cleaning that up.

* * *

_Flashback_

Mews started to fill the large living room. "That's good. Oh and also, no fighting. No acting careless. And definitely! NO FOOLISHNESS!" Pein shot two scary glares at Deidara and Tobi.

"If that's cleared, I have one more order. Since we're here, we might as well relax. So Akatsuki! Dismissed!" Pein walked away with Konan.

Itachi smirked. "I wonder what's going to happen..."

Hidan chuckled. "I want to fucking play with my cherry blossom..."

Deidara added evilly, "She won't know what hit her..." Zetsu's dark half joined in.

"I hope she can handle it..." Laughed Kisame along with Kakuzu. Sasori glanced back at the kitchen to see Sakura running towards them with all their dishes. "Let the games begin."

_End of Flashback_

* * *

"I'm BACK!" A pink-haired kunoichi with 9 bowls, 4 cups of water and 1 plate hopped over to the mass of S-nin kitties and grinned. "I prepared all of your creepy desires!" Sakura smiled nervously. Especially towards the bi-coloured animal.

The Akatsuki caught sight of the glorious meal that their lovely Cherry Blossom prepared and sat down, ready to chow down. But just then, Donut caught the bowl of _seemingly _healthy candy and pounced towards it, knocking it out of Sakura's hold.

"Kya!" She gasped, startled. Sakura lost her balance carrying the large amount of food and started to tumble over. The kitties stared at her, a bit worried about her. But, considering that they did not have super ninja-speed and strong bodies, they just remained in spot.

Sakura realized that she was _really _loosing her balance. Her reflexes came in, forgetting that she was holding bowls of food, and swung her arms over her head. She did a quick flip, followed by a summer-sault, and reached out her right leg to prepare to land on the ground. Her leg landed and she made a graceful pose.

Remember the food that she forgot about? Well, apparently, Sakura just began to realize it. She looked up to the ceiling to see that the food was still on their plates, floating, coming down, not completly ruined...yet.

"YES!" She did two quick shadow punches and turned to the kitties. "Hah! See? The food isn't ruined! No one nor thing shall beat me! I am the ultimate kunoichi!" She put both of her hands of her hips and started laughing hysterically. But she stopped gloating when she noticed that the cats weren't laughing with her. **(A/N: What is wrong with her brain?)**

She was still clueless as to why they weren't treating her like queen. She studied their faces closely. First, half of them had an 'Oh My Fucking God' look. The second half had a 'What the hell is wrong with her' look. Second, they were frozen to the spot. Third, Oreo didn't look cannibalistic. Fourth, Sushi's mouth was filled with saliva, as though he was drooling without noticing it. And fifth, they were all staring, open mouthed, at something above Sakura's head.

"Ne?" Just to go with the cats, Sakura decided to look up too. Big mistake...

* * *

With Kakashi and Jiraiya

Kakashi and Jiraiya were just walking down the busy streets of Konoha when they heard a loud, 'BANG!' and followed by many little, 'BOOMS!'.

Kakashi looked up from his hentai series to acknowledge the sound, or life for that matter.

"Hmm? What was that?" He questioned boredly, clearly not really interested.

Pervy Sage looked around the area, trying to find the source of the noise. His eyes locked on a certain pink-head's apartment.

"I think it came from Sakura's house."

Silence.

Jiraiya sweatdropped.

"Shouldn't we go check if she's in danger?"

Silence.

Jiraiya remained silent as well.

...

"You know, you're a very bad sensei."

"Your point?" Kakashi finally spoke, raising a brow.

"...I don't know..." Jiraiya scratched his head, acting stupid. Then he just shrugged. "Ah well." He turned around the other way and started to head in the direction of a bookstore. "Let's go to the bookstore! In the section of...ADULTXXX! More specifically...PORN!"

Kakashi suddenly darted off, passing Jiraiya by miles. A faint yell could be heard. "Race you thereeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...!"

* * *

With Sakura and the Acatsuki

Well, let's see what had happened moments ago...

As Sakura looked up in the air, wondering what the hell happened that made the kitties into statues, and were shaking with fear.

_'What is wrong with those cats?' _thought Sakura as she lifted her head. Then her eyes widened in comprehension. "KYA—!!!"

Before she had a moment to finish her screaming, the 4 cups of water landed on her chest, soaking it wet, 2 bowls of spagetti crashed on her legs, and not to mention the remaining 7 bowls finishing everything off by splatting Sakura's face. The remaining food sprinkled on the cats.

Sakura stayed up for a second, then fell on the ground, silent.

Then a loud moan came out of the food-covered girl. "Aww! I worked so hard to prepare it! Now look at me! I'm covered in yucky, stuff..." Sakura shook her head to try to get rid of any food and crossed her arms in embarrassment. Looking at the cats, she blushed because they were staring at her, frozen, again. Except, this time, they had _tiny_ little hints of red smeared on their snouts. And it wasn't the tomato sauce.

Why? Because the position she was in was almost, slightly perverted. Because of the fall, her skirt flipped up, revealing her pink, ribboned panties. Her hair was wet, creating spikes, with water droplets hanging from the tips, almost as if begging for someone to lick the drops off. Not only that, her _white _shirt was damp from the water, making her bra stand out underneath. Little did she know, the Akatsuki were quite, big perverts.

_'Aww, great! Now they think I'm an idiot! So much for the first impression...' _Sakura sighed again while looking again at the cats, this time, the redness grew a bit. _'What's going on? Why are they...blushing...almost?' _While Sakura was wondering what happened, she caught Toilet Paper start having a nosebleed. Then she got it.

"AHH!!!" Sakura flipped down her skirt in a rush, and turned her body around, making her back face the cats. She quickly covered her damp chest. "Stupid kitty perverts!"

**_'Fu fu fu fu fu...That was...smooth...' _**Sakura gasped at the voice coming from her head. Then she pouted. _'Inner! When did you come back from Hawaii?' '**Just moments ago...Miss me?' **'Hell NO!' 'A**h well...By the way, why aren't you taking advantage of this situation. Show off your curves woman!' **_Sakura started blushing like mad.

_'Shut up! I'm not a hentai like you!' '**What the hell...? You are me!' **_Sakura thought about this for a second. _'Oh ya...Stupid INNER! Help me! What should I do right now?'_

_**'Ugh, you are a hopeless woman. How did you survive without me?' **'Probably because you were gone for about 12 hours!' _Sakura screeched in her mind, wanting to pound to poor Inner into tiny, bit-size pieces for Oreo. '**_Oh ya. Anyways, about your problem,' _**thought Inner, wanting to change to topic because she felt a sense of must-kill-my-inner-self-and-feed-it-to-pet from Sakura. '**_Why don't you just go change?'_**

...

_'Right. Gotcha.' _Sakura laughed sheepishly and got up. Turning to look at the pervy kittens, she noticed that they were over their 'stage' and were just staring at her mumbling to herself, curious.

She turned to the bunch, still covering her chest, and told them. "Okay you hentai cats, because of this incident, I'm quite soaked and dirty so I need a quick bath. I want you to—" Then she finally got a better look at them. She wasn't the only one that's incredibly dirty. They too were really messed up. With blotches of fur everywhere, splats of spaghetti sauce covered them, and chunks of shark-fin-soup was glued to their head.

"Mm, okay. I guess you guys need a bath too..." Then she brightened up. "WHY DON'T WE HAVE A BATH TOGETHER?!?! It'll be a bath party!" She exclaimed, totally forgetting about the little, 'pervy' episode.

With that, she darted out the living room, up the stairs to who-knows-where, leaving a bunch of dumb-founded felines staring after her.

* * *

With Sakura

The extremely dirty kunoichi hopped up the stairs and jumped into a washroom located in her bedroom on the second floor. She began to observe herself in the mirror. _'Eww, definatly a 0 on my attractive score.' '**Don't worry. It's not that bad. At least Sasuke-kun isn't here.' **_Sakura growled at her Inner. But she decided to just ignore herself.

Sakura started to wipe off the large pieces of food off of her face. _'Shit. All my hard work...wasted. Shit, shit, shit!' _She gathered the group of wasted face-food and threw them out, into a garbage can beside the sink.

"Oh well." She said out loud to no one in particular. "What's done is done." She gladly reminded herself. '**_Atta girl!'_**

Sakura washed the tomato sauce off of her (after she ate some of the sauce, nodding in approval) delicate face and hair. After she finished, she went to the tub to start filling it up with hot water.

"Well, I guess I better take this off." She began to strip out of her white shirt, with the Haruno symbol located in the back, and out of her skirt, leaving just her bra and undergarments. Noticing the bath was full, Sakura walked out of her room, and towards the living room, to gather her pervy kitties for a bath.

Looks like she totally forgot about how perverted they were.

* * *

Meanwhile...

After the Acatsuki watched Sakura leave, Pein called another meeting. (Which didn't take long to assemble, considering that they were all in a confined space).

"Fellow Akatsuki members! And Tobi-san. We have a slight problem here. Does anyone know what the problem is?" Pein looked around the room, noticing that only 5 Akatsuki, (Sasori, Itachi, Kakuzu, Zetsu, and Konan) plus idiot (Tobi) who raised their hands—paws.

Wondering if Tobi actually did know what the problem was, Pein chose to pick him. A mistake.

"Yes...Tobi-san?"

Tobi stopped waving his paws around and calmed down a bit. "Oo! Oo! Tobi knows! Is it that Akatsuki forgot to turn off the tap in the Headquarters?!?"

Well that earned him a good smack in the head by Zetsu.

"Erm, no Tobi-san. Does anyone else know?" He questioned.

Again, five paws went up. This time, the 'idiot' didn't raise his paw. Instead, he was in the corner, clutching his poor, brainless head.

"Yes, Kakuzu?"

The old stitched man grunted in acknowledgement from the Leader and replied, "Well, you said before that when we come in contact with liquids, or water for that matter, we turn back to human form. Considering that pinky here wants us to take a bath with her, we'll be most likely, touching water."

Pein nodded in approval and spoke to all of the Akatsuki. "So that is our problem. Does anyone know how to get out of this mess?"

"I say we make a run for it, yeah!" Deidara shrieked. This time, Sasori smacked him in the head. "Idiot. If we could have done that, we would have already escaped."

Deidara questioned his Danna. "Then why didn't we, yeah?"

Sasori gave him another smack in the head. "Stop doing that, yeah! You're mean Danna! Yeah!" Sasori just snorted and explained, "Are you really that stupid? First of all, if we escaped, there's a high possibility that we will be spotted and recongnized by a ninja. And second, if we do escape, we can't survive very long because of our state of appearance. We could probably change back into human form when we find some water, or when the sun sets, but we would be naked, wandering killers!"

After he finished explaining, Deidara finally understood. FINALLY!

"Well said Sasori. Any other suggestions?" Pein questioned.

This time, he picked Kisame.

"I think we should just stay, who knows, maybe the chick will be worth it." Hidan nodded in complete agreement, smirking.

"No! There will be no inappropriate behavior!" Pein shot loudly, loud enough for all of the Akatsuki to hear and more. "Any more ideas?!?"

The whole Akatsuki didn't raise any paws. "Does anyone have ANYTHING else other than something that relates to what Kisame said?"

Again, no cat raised a paw. Except, for Tobi. But Pein learned his lesson and decided to just pretend he's not there. "Ugh, if no one has any suggestions, then I guess we just have to do the boldest thing possible." The Akatsuki looked at him in curiosity. "When she comes... We hide."

All of the Akatsuki sweatdropped. "Um, isn't that for fucking wusses only? I ain't a fucking wuss." Hidan questioned. Before Leader had a moment to answer, they all heard footsteps coming and humming.

"Fuck! She's fucking coming! I call under the couch!!!" Hidan yelped and darted under the couch. Konan sighed at the stupidity of Toilet Paper. But the rest of the Akatsuki followed Hidan and hid somewhere close by.

Itachi, Sasori and Kakuzu also hid under the couch with Hidan, because they were too lazy to find somewhere better to hide. Pein and Konan jumped in the flower pot. Konan blushed deeply at the thought of being in a tight spot with Pein. **(A/N: That reminds me, do you guys want Pein to be with Konan? Or do you want Konan to somehow disappear, leaving Pein to crush on Sakura?)** Kisame and Deidara hopped into the closet. But when Zetsu joined in, Deidara ran out, screaming, "Bloody murder! He's gonna eat me!" With that, Deidara grabbed the clueless Tobi, who was still crouched in the corner clutching his head, and sprinted into the T.V. cabinet.

Just then, Sakura came in.

The same exact thought went through all of their minds:

"Oh."

"My."

"Fricking."

"God."

* * *

Replies for your Reviews:

(I hope none of you damn people suddenly decide to copy me)

**DudettRin101**

Whoa! Kisame/Sakura?!? That's a first! No offense, I like that pairing too. x3

Kisame: I have so many fans!!!

Itachi: (Sigh) I still have loads more than you'll ever have...

Kisame: Just because you're prettier doesn't mean you should bully me!

Itachi: Oh? I'm prettier?

Kisame: (cries) Forget it...

**BloodyWings66**

Kya! Sorry about the first chapter! I know it was a bit...slow. Oh well. Thank you for the review!

Itachi: She says she's knows about what happened in the first chapter...but truthfully, she hasn't got a clue...

Me: I DO TOO!

Itachi: Not.

Me: ARG! (Tries to act cute). Aww...Ita-kun...

Itachi: It's not working.

Me: WHY NOT!?

Itachi: (Removes hair band) I'm prettier.

**emoiscool**

Here's your update!

Tobi: TOBI HELPED!

Me: Tch, ya right.

**dracolady1441**

Glad to hear it's funny! (Sniff) I'm so proud of myself...

Hidan: Why are you so fucking retarded?

Me: Why not?

Hidan: ...Touche.

**Kon Bubble Blaster**

Hey! Kon-chan/kun! I have no clue if you're a guy or a lady so just bear with me! Thanks for reviewing! And I also took some time to read one of your stories but I kinda only skimmed through it cuz...well...it's 1:00 in the morning! And I need to prepare to go on a school field-trip to Quebec...so...

Itachi: Liar.

Me: (Nervous sweatdrop). W-what?!? It's true!

Itachi: L-i-a-r.

Me: Emo-bastard.

Itachi: Foolish authoress.

Me: Fucktard traitor.

Itachi: Lazy bitch.

Me: Ice-cube.

Itachi: Psychotic moron.

Me: Jackass.

Itachi: Shorty...

Me: (Fumes) SASUKE! Oh! Pwned!

(Itachi gives puppy eyes)

Me: ...Don't start with that...

**x3Rinna-chan3x**

Phew...I was hoping you would enjoy it...

Sasori: Thanks to you, she doesn't stress her self out much no-more. (Whispers) You know, you shouldn't be so kind to her. You should see her in the morning. (Me whacks him on the head).

**Prince cl0ud**

Arigato! I have no clue what happened between the words...I guess I type too fast for my own good. ALL THANKS TO RPG'S!

Tobi: Thanks for reviewing! Now Tobi can annoy her with a smile on Tobi's face!

**Zanna-chan**

Poor...poor...Hidan...But come on, he does deserve to have a retarded name after all that swearing right?

Hidan: I fucking hate you.

Me: LOVE YOU TOO! (Glomps Hidan)

**sleeping itasaku fangirl**

Yippiez! I'm glad you thought it was funny! Ya, I feel so sorry for Ita-kun and Kakuzu-san.

Itachi: You are such a foolish author...

Kakuzu: I totally agree.

Me: Hmm? You say somethin'?

Itachi/Kakuzu: —Nu un.

**Miss Chocolat**

Yep! I'm making it Akatsuki/Sakura. SO MUCH LOVE FOR SAKU-CHAN! I apologize for the odd no spacing between words, I honesly have no idea how that happened. I'm going to edit it some time. But right now I'm a bit lazy...

Sasori: Idiot.

Me: (Glares)

Sasori: Ugh...She'll fix them...I'll make sure of that. (Smirks)

Me: Saso-kun...you scare me...

**kinara-chan**

She _is _a total air head! But that's what makes it interesting! Keep on reading!

Deidara: DO IT, yeah! Then, she won't make me get hurt as often!

Me: Come on Dei-Dei...You can't expect to get reviewers like that...This is how you do it: Review! Then Deidara will get hurt MORE!

Deidara: Yeah! Wait...WHAT?!?

**???**

Ya, I'm making it Sakura Centric.

Sakura: How lucky am I~

**Druchii**

Yes, I know...I'm brilliant!

Zetsu: She wasn't originally going to do that.

**Dark Zetsu: **She came up with the idea because she was stressing out. Authoress comes up with weird ideas when she's stressed out.

Me: But...(Thinks) ya...

**moonlight ookami**

Yes, yes...I do have a WILD imagination...Thank you, thank you, (Bows)

Pein: You're only making yourself look good by DISSING US! How unmanly!

Me: Who says I was manly?

Pein: Well lets see...THE WHOLE DAMN WORLD!

Me: (Fumes)...(Smiles) But your opinion doesn't really matter now, does it...Teddy?

Pein (Teddy): I'm leaving...

**-Lovely-Ice-**

XD

Tobi: X333333333

**Katie**

Ehh...Kisame/Sakura? O.o Erm...A-alright...

Sakura: Oh NO in hell NO!

Kisame: Come on Sakura-_chan_, I know you want me...I mean...I'm so sexy and muscular...

Sakura: Muscular? You're made of 99% WATER!

Kisame: (Mopes)...so?

**Clairesa-chan**

I'm making it Sakura/Akatsuki.

Sakura: WOOT! Bring on the hotties!

**Gakaigal/Ashley**

Yay! More fans! I am leaving it Sakura Centric!

Sakura: Again, BRING ON THE HOTTIES!

**SoManyDots**

Thanks Jay-chan for the review!

Tobi: Tobi has a question for you: What colour do you leak/dump? TOBI IS A GOOD BOY! (Sorry, inside joke.)

**Sakura is number 1**

Here's the update!

Konan: Yesh...

And of course, my loyal...

**Thirrin-chan!**

NYA, I love you! I also enjoyed your story! I just wanna thank you for all those reviews on every chapter of EVERY STORY OF MINE! And I'm rewarding you with a two part gift.

First part, I'm working on the story you requested.  
Second, I'm gonna make Saso-kun kiss you!

Sasori: W-wait a second...WHAT?!?!

Me: Come on Sasori...She's like, your biggest fan (besides me!). JUST GIVE HER A KISS! (Whispers) DO IT!

Sasori: (Scowls) ...Fine...

(Sasori approaches Thirrin-chan) Uh...hi...Sorry 'bout this.

(Sasori plants a quick kiss on Thirrin-chan's lips)

Audience: AWWWWW!

Me: Nice one, Saso-kun! What 'bout me!?

Sasori: ...I can't...That's enough emotions for one day...Yuck...(Walks over to bed) You owe me.

O.O

O.o

o.O

And that concludes the reviews!

(Again, I hope no one copies this)

* * *

_Author's note:_

I have an excuse for not updating this past week: Here it is. I spent 5 days in Quebec with my class doing the Winter Carnival thing. Did you guys ever go? It was amazing;y fun. We went snow tubing down an encredebly steep hill called 'Everest'! BANZAI! BANZAI! BANZAI! (Raises hands and lowers hands) So that's why I didn't update for a week. T.T. Gomen...

I'm also working on another story for my dear friend Thirrin-chan because of a contest in my other story, 'The Tsura of Dimensions'. The contest is now over so...ya. Thanks again Thirrin and all you glorious reviewers! I got 17 reviews for the last one! SHA!

And I'm sorry about how short this chapter was. I had to end it with a cliffy sort of so...But the good news is, I already typed up a quarter of the next chapter so expect it next week!

Ja ne!

P.S. If any of you have any story ideas like something weird to happen later on or something perverted, (winks, winks), or just some Aka/Saku action, tell me in a review and I'll make it happen! (99.9%)

P.P.S Remember to include the Pein/Konan or Pein/Sakura thing as well. (If you are clueless to this, read the authors note during the chapter.)

If you want to know about the next update date for my stories, check my profile.


	4. The Secret Revealed

**EDIT: Yeah, I kinda accidentally deleted this chapter when I was clicking 'submit'. Oppsies? Oh, and I have added the first ten review replies at the end of the chapter! READ IT!**

Ohayo/Konichiwa Minna-san!

Well, what should I say? I'm not gonna bore you with excuses in saying how late this chapter was, but I do have one...Na, I'm going to save that excuse.

And about the reviews, I'm only gonna reply to the first 10-15 reviews in the chapters with a few dialogues with the characters. The other reviews, I'm going to reply, but NOT in the chapters. Sorry!

Oh, and one more thing, starting now, my chapters will be shorter but faster updated. I think thats better. Right?_ Right_? RIGHT?

Anyz, the good news is...I'M BACK IN CANADA NOW! WOOT! Uh huh, go me, uh huh, go, go, go me! Break dance!

(Gets smacked in the head by Deidara)

Me: Aww, DeiDei-chan! Why d'you hurt me so!

Deidara: (Smirks in triump) Hah! That's payback for making me look like a fool in the previous chapters, yeah!

Me: But I'm just expressing my true feelings for you...

Deidara: Aww, ...r-really? -Thinks its a compliment-

Me: -Snickers- Uh huh. I really do think you're an idiot...

Deidara: ...

* * *

_Flashback_

Kisame and Deidara hopped into the closet. But when Zetsu joined in, Deidara ran out, screaming, "Bloody murder! He's gonna eat me!" With that, Deidara grabbed the clueless Tobi, who was still crouched in the corner clutching his head, and sprinted into the T.V. cabinet.

Just then, Sakura came in.

The same exact thought went through all of their minds:

"Oh."

"My."

"Fricking."

"God."

_End of Flashback_

* * *

The almost, competely naked, Sakura came into the living room, completly oblivous to the fact that the nine pervy Akatsuki in disguise were having huge nosebleeds. The girl of the group, Konan aka. Origami, just found the guys to be disturbing and that they should respect the pinky for being so stupid and not realizing that they were criminals.

Okay, that didn't come out right.

"Huh? Guys? Where are you?" Sakura asked, hoping that her little darlings didn't commit suicide. Usually, her pets commit suicide on the second day, not the first. She began making her way to the couch to try and see if they were playing, "Hide and go Meow".

Sasori cursed under his breath and tried to figure a way out of this...without blushing like mad. Good thing his fur is red.

Suddenly, a _ping! _sound came up, followed by a lightbulb over Rudolf's head. He creeped behind the couch, making sure Sakura was on the other side, and sprinted into the kitchen.

"Sink. Sink. Sink." He muttered quickly. Then his eyes caught the dull, silver metal sink above a cabinet.

_'Horrah!'_

Sasori must be so glad that he didn't say that out loud. Quickly, he made it on top of the dining table and leaped into the sink clumsily. Finding a plug, he screwed the cork into the sinkhole. He then made his way around the sink to the two handles and unscrewed the water tap till it's max.

_'There we go!'_

Sasori beemed a milisecond and his face dropped into a really regretful look.

_'OH SHIT!'_

Sasori COMPLETELY forgot that he WASN'T suppose to touch ANY sort of LIQUID. He was about to screw the tap closed, when the water leaked out of the sink and spread all counter, coming into contact with Sasori.

_'I'm so stupid.'_

With his eyes squinted, Sasori turned from Rudolf the kittie, to Sasori the...Sasori...Yeah.

_'Well that was oddly pleasant. I HAVE APPOSABLE THUMBS NOW!'_

He lifted his arms in front of his face and showed himself his thumbs. But oddly...He wasn't wearing his Akatsuki cloak. Actually, he felt cold. Perhaps...naked.

"OH MY FUCKING GOD!"

He shrieked in a Deidara way after realising that he was completly naked. Yes, even the little boy's part.

Now what was he suppose to do if Sakura finds him?

* * *

With Sakura and the Acatsuki minus Sasori

"OH MY FUCKING GOD!"

Sakura yeeped in surprise and looked in the direction of the scream. It kind of sounded like a man. With a colourful vocabulary. IN HER KITCHEN! Forgetting that she had ten missing kitties to find, she loaded her punching hand with a bucketfull of chakra, ready to punch the life out of that person.

* * *

With Rock Lee

"La la la la laaa~" Lee pranced around the street, holding a beautiful bouquet of flowers, in search of his beloved Cherry Blossom to give the roses to.

"Sakura-chan! Is so very youthful~" He sang, still prancing around like a leprechaun. "La la la la laaaa~"

He made his way to her pink apartment door, while still singing. "And I am gonna ask...~For her to be my YOUTHFUL girlfriend!"

He was about to ring the doorbell, (he was actually going to knock, but he read in a book, 'The very youthful dating tips for youthful dummies', that girls like it better and find it more romancy if they ring the doorbell), when he thought of what his Gai-sensei had told him.

_"Lee! If you want to impress the youthful girl you love, you must make, A DYNAMIC ENTRY!"_

_Then his sensei gave an airkick and grinned moronicly._

"Yes! I must make a surprising entry, then Sakura-san will fall in youthful love with meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

With that, Lee jumped though the kitchen window, _gliding over Sasori's naked body, _and landed himself right behind Sakura.

* * *

With Sakura

Sakura was about to make a surprising jump and punch into her kitchen, when all of a sudden, a green blob flew over her, and landed woobly behind her.

"Saku—!" Lee began.

"What the hell!?" She screamed in fright and quickly did what her instincts said: 'Kill the green blob"

With a huge kick to the guy's face, Sakura punched Lee (as far as Sakura knows, it's a green blob) in the stomach, watching him fly through the living room wall and into her backyard.

"What the hell was that?! No matter, he wasn't much of a challenge." Sakrua smirked in triumph and gave herself a thumbs up.

That's when something fluttered down on top of her face.

Sakura took the thing from her face and examined it.

It was a recite.

**Cleaners**

**April 19, 2009**

**Patient: Rock Lee**

**Clothing: Green Spandex suit. x12**

**Amount: **

**Wash: ¥108**

**Dry: ¥72 **

_Note: To Mrs. Rock Lee-_

_I think you should get a haircut, __(and a brow-cut)_

"Huh? Rock...LEE?!" Sakura conked her head in regret. "Aw, man! I think I just killed Lee!"

Sakura threw the recite in the garbage and dashed to the backyard to see if Lee was okay.

She finally spotted a blob of green halfway implanted in the pavement. Sakura gasped whilst covering her mouth. She made her way quickly to Lee and pulled his head out of the ground and shook him harshly.

"Lee! Lee! Speak to me!"

Sakura stopped shaking Lee when she heard a groan come out of Lee.

"Ugh...Youth...youth...crumbling...out...Can't...feel...green...jumpsuit...So...not...youthful..." Lee painfully grunted out.

Sakura gave a disturbed look at Lee and decided to just leave him be. After all, his youthfulness might be contagious. And the last thing she needs is to be seen wearing one of those 'Women-repelents'.

"S-Sakura-san...You look good in your dome protector and undergarments...might we make love to heal my youth—"

Poor Lee. He just got sent flying over Konoha and landed in **Suna**...painfully.

Out of nowhere, a crow flew over Sakura's house crowing, "Ahoo~Ahoo~" Which sounded much like, "Asshole~Asshole~"

Sakura huffed at how Lee took advantage of his situation and made her way back to her house in continuation of her search party (containing 01 people).

* * *

With the Acatsuki

The really perverted kitties stared at their unknown pink haired love punch the crap out of the extremely unfashionable dork. Tobi 'ooh'ed at Sakura punch him in the safety zone and sent him flying outside to the backyard.

Then a little piece of paper fluttered down harmlessly and landed on Sakura's face. She looked astonished when she finished reading the paper and ran outside.

Pein darted out of the vase and Konan followed. But Konan was watching something lying on the floor in the corner of the living room.

"Alright, we have Sakura out of the house so we have to use this time to see what's up in the kitchen." Pein ordered, watching his crew come out of their hiding places, each with their own little nosebleed. Pein disregarded that by giving a 'tsk tsk' because he ALSO had a little case of the nosebleed as well. Hopefully no cat noticed.

"Let's move ou—" He noticed that one of his members were missing. "Sasori! Where in the goodness of manicures is Sasori?!"

"In here..." A low mumble cave out of the kitchen, with a embarrassed edge in his voice.

Hidan gave a weird look to Kakuzu and wondered how did he manage to get there.

"Alright then...let's head in..." Pein commanded having an obvious suspicious tone in order.

Konan chuckled nervously and said, "U-uh yeah. Um...You guys go first, I-I have something to do."

The Acatsuki looked at her in curiosity. Konan twitched uncontrollably.

"Okay then. Let's go." Pein sighed at his teammate and began to lead his team towards the kitchen.

While the male members of the group started to head towards Sasori, Konan crawled slowly towards the thing she was looking at. When she got close to it, she jumped on it and ate it in one bite.

_'Aw yeah that's good. It has a hint of youth to it.'_

You know what it was?

It was the recite that Lee got after his visit to the Cleaners.

I guess Konan wasn't kidding when she said that she eats paper. Uh...

But then, she heard footsteps coming closer to the house from the backyard. Uh oh.

_'Shit! It's Sakura!'_

Forgetting that the rest of her teammates were still lounging around it the kitchen, she made a run for it upstairs, hoping that Sakura doesn't realise that some of her paperwork was missing.

* * *

With Pein and his fellow Teammates

"Hey, what's that...splishing sound?"

Deidara asked when they reached the kitchen. His eyes opened widely when he saw that the whole kitchen was covered in water!

"Crap." Pein said when he saw a naked Sasori huddling in the cupboard.

Deidara couldn't take it anymore and exploded in laughter. He lashed his tail back and forth and fell on his back while clutching his stomach. This was just too much. No really, it was too much.

Deidara couldn't stop his laughter and started holding onto Itachi for help. Itachi 'hned' in disgust and tried to shake his off, but Deidara just held on tighter. Kisame tried to help Itachi by biting Deidara's leg and in result, got a kick on his nose. Now Kisame started bawling and ran around the group blindly. He accidentaly knocked into Zetsu and caused Zetsu to bite hidan in the butt. Hidan yelled and swore and dragged Kakuzu down with him. Now Pein was just staring at his team of evil baddies and looked at Tobi. Tobi was stupid enough to take ahold of Pein and bodycheck into the crowd.

The sudden burst made Hidan wobble on one leg and crash into the counter. That's when the bucket sitting on top of said counter began to shake and tumbled down on the kitties. And guess what else? It was full of WATER.

With a bigger poof, nine naked human Akatsuki members lied there, each in there own little world.

Then, they heard footsteps coming into the living room.

"Fuck! The pink chick is coming!" Hidan swore loudly and made a run to the living room. His eight teammates followed, confused (and butt-naked ;D).

Kakuzu frantically looked around and spotted the staircase. "Up there! Hurry!"

But there was no time.

There stood Sakura, utterably confused, and in front of her, nine fully naked men, who were used to be lovable kitties, gathered together in front of her, who was only wearing a bra and underwear. And they looked horny. Aw crap.

* * *

With Lee in Suna

Right now, Lee was cornered in a alleyway, with many Suna gangsters holding weapons in ready to kill the intruder.

"Uh..Eh..Um.." Lee stuttered, trying to think of a way out of this. But, instead, he wet his pants. "C-can't we all be friends?" He forced a smile.

BOOM!

SMASH!

YOUTH!

And there he was, tied to a pole, having his pants stolen and a happy face carved on his underpants.

"Waa! This is so not YOUTHFUL!" Lee cried anime tears. Then shouted out very dramatically.

"FORGIVE ME GAI-SENSEI!"

* * *

**Replies to your reviews (first 10)**

**Prince cl0ud9**

I know! Tobi will never cease to impress me! Go Tobi-chan!

Tobi: Tobi feels so loved! Ha! Tobi is more popular than Itachi!

Itachi: Stop rubbing it in!

**KonifiedBubbleBlaster**

Yeah, hehe, sorry 'bout the 'tude. I see you changed your name!

Kon: I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVE FANS!

Kisame: When did YOU come into this?

Kon: I dunno. Ichigo threw me somewhere and here I am!

**XxAkako-chanxX**

Yep! Konan's not interfering with this LOVE! But she will still be in this story cuz I feel bad for her.

Konan: Why does no one love me?

**Halarious-Mayhem**

And four words to describe Deidara!

STUPIDNOUS ON A STICK!

Deidara: What's that suppose to mean?

**MarzSpy**

I'm sorry that Konan will not be with Pein. -Sob- SO SORRY! But she will still be in the story!

Konan: Uh, yay? Was that a compliment?

Pein: If you want it to be.

Konan: PEIN-KUN!!!

Me: Uh-Okay...

**Chibi Fox-chan**

Damn, sorry for the long update!

I'm just toooo lazy...

Itachi: Told ya so.

Sasori: Double for me.

Hidan: Triple for me

Deidara: Uh...Fourness...for me...What's the one after?

Sakura: O.O

**Jay-chan**

Me: Yo Jayme! Soo many colours...DOODIE ON THE FLOOR! Yeah. SEE YA AT SCHOOL!

Itachi: So she can kill you.

Me: SHUSH!

**BrokenAngel363**

YAYZ FOR HENTAI KITTIES!

Sakura: Am I suppose to be happy? How can you be happy when a bunch of pervy guys molestes you?!? YOU ARE SICK!!!

Kisame: Comon, you know you like it~

Sakura: -Shudders- Fishbreath...

**Thirrin73**

Yo Thirrin-chan! I told a bunch of my classmates to read your story! They all liked it! A few of my classmates reviewed and they REALLY HOPE IF YOU UPDATE!!!

PLEASE PLEASE UPDATE!

Thanks!!!

Itachi faces forever!

(O/-\O)

YEAH!!!

Sasori: Thanks for making me cool in your story. Unlike SOME people...-Glares at me-

**sleeping itasaku fangirl**

Woot! You go girl! You have the exact thoughts as me! Yeah, I found all of the Akatsuki to be really perverted, but I was pretty much still laughing my ass off writing it. It's so much fun writing cracks!

Deidara: I feel so stupid!

Hidan: Fuck yeah ma man. At least I'm not a wussy.

Sasori: Hehe.

Itachi: -Chuckles-

Hidan: Whaaaat??!?!

**

* * *

**

**And there you have it! Finally!**

**So yeah, I realized that I have 99 reviews right now, so the 100th reviewer will get...A ONE-SHOT DEDICATED TO THEM! YAY! Yeah.**

**And I think you know where this is going now. Konan is separated from the rest but she will still be in the story! Go Konan fans! But it will be more of a Pein/Saku then Konan/Pein. Sorry!**

**-Inkaide**

**REMEMBER TO REVIEW!**


	5. Explanations and Decisions

**Alrighty, I finally finished school! My exams are over, and so are my big project junk! I'm pretty sure most of my readers finished school a while ago, but it's different for me and my the students in my area. Okay, I'm pretty sure I'll be able to update once every two weeks now, because I'll have much more time on my hands. Please don't complain or demand chapters. That's idiotic and messed up. Because I don't recall any of my readers demanding a chapter, I'm pretty happy :D So here's the update :)**

* * *

Flashback

"Fuck! The pink chick is coming!" Hidan swore loudly and made a run to the living room. His eight teammates followed, confused (and butt-naked ;D).

Kakuzu frantically looked around and spotted the staircase. "Up there! Hurry!"

But there was no time.

There stood Sakura, utterably confused, and in front of her, nine fully naked men, who were used to be lovable kitties, gathered together in front of her, who was only wearing a bra and underwear. And they looked horny. Aw crap.

End of Flashback

* * *

With Lee in Suna

Right now, Lee was cornered in a alleyway, with many Suna gangsters holding weapons in ready to kill the intruder.

"Uh..Eh..Um.." Lee stuttered, trying to think of a way out of this. But, instead, he wet his pants. "C-can't we all be friends?" He forced a smile.

BOOM!

SMASH!

YOUTH!

And there he was, tied to a pole, having his pants stolen and a happy face carved on his underpants.

"Waa! This is so not YOUTHFUL!" Lee cried anime tears. Then he shouted out very dramatically.

"FORGIVE ME GAI-SENSEI!!!"

* * *

"Ehehehehe..." Sakura giggled at herself for 'imagining' this scene. Sometimes she could be so perverted, she didn't even realize it! Maybe this is a lesson from what happened before with her and Gaara. But, she didn't need to go into that, right? **(A/N: I'll be making side stories including this moment after I'm done with this fic. Feel free to make one-shots and give ideas!) **

"Wow, I must be dreaming!" She cackled dumbly as she stood there, hands on her waist, and with a hint of a blush tainted on her cheeks. "This is some dream!" Sakura plopped on the ground with her back facing the group of butt-naked Akatsuki. Doubt they feel scary anymore.

"Hm... I don't remember falling asleep.. Maybe I ate something... Nah, that's not possible! 100 pounds of jelly-filled donuts couldn't hurt, I mean, this is nothing compared to what I eat on a daily basis...! What could this mean...?"

As Sakura sat there, pondering her little pea-sized brain out, the Akatsuki were having a horrible time trying to keep calm. Well, almost.

_'Shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshit...!' _

_'I think my left toe is bigger than my right... Cool.' _

_'Tobi is a gooooood boy!'_

_'Why is this happening? What did I ever do? I was a good man every year! I only killed 263 people this year! Oh why me?' _

_'Calm down... Just think about playdoh! Yes! I am walking towards my clay, and yes, I'm making a beautiful clay bird! Wait, no! The bird is turning into... a...?! NOO!!!'_

_'Hn... -Blush-'_

_'S is for sushi, and sushi is for me! YAY!'_

_'THANK YOU JASHIN-SAMA! I FUCKING LOVE YOU!'_

_'I'm hungry for some girly-man... Run Dei-chan, **run.**'_

"Oh my god, no!"

A surprisingly loud voice boomed out from the pink-haired dimwit. Sakura jumped up from her sitting position and hastily turned around. She pulled the curtain down from the living room window and hastily tied it around her body, covering most of the areas. Then, she grabbed the closest thing near by, which was a lamp, and threw it harshly at the blond man, who in return, screamed girlishly.

"You guys are—oh my fucking go—shit, this is th—holy mother of all things ninj—NO!" Sakura paled and jumped as far back as possible. She just realized who these people were, and tried as hard as possible to stop shaking in fear, this was not a good dream.

Whilst Sakura was having the 'moment' of her life, throwing _anything_ that was in reach, and whipping it at any one of the 'targets', the Akatsuki were dodging the mad girl and finding something to cover themselves with. Very embarrassing. Very embarrassing indeed.

The red haired one with a couch mat strapped around his special place stepped up and held his hands up in the air to try to show a sign of truce and to calm the woman down—which didn't appear to work. "Please Sakura-san, calm down, we have to explain."

Sakura's eyes widened as she focused her eyes more towards the red-haired male. She know who he was and was shivering at how cowardly she was right now. "I—no, this isn't possible, I FUCKING KILLED YOU!" Without a thought, she shot a red tainted finger at the man who she would bet her life away that she killed him 2 years ago, along with Granny Chiyo. God, she couldn't have died for nothing!

"Please Sakura-san—" Again the man who was _suppose _to be dead tried to explain, but was rudely cut off by Sakura, "don't you _fucking_ dare call me by that name!"

The brown eyed man bit his lip and tried to think of a suitible nickname to call her. "Okay fine, _Pink-san_, I—"

"What did you call me...?" Sakura's eyes turned mad with anger as she controled herself to not punch the hell out of this guy. After all, she needed the practice.

The tall guy with the childish face gulped and hide himself behind a silver haired man. Who, by the way, threw him off agressively on a stitch-faced man.

The blue-ish shark man nervously chuckled and thought of a 'good' nickname. "Eh, how about Temper-san?"

In return, he got a heavy punch in the face by the man with a bi-coloured body... With black on his right... and white on his left. "Idiot, shut up." He said, but then added on to his short sentence by another part of him. It seemed like another personality**. "Or I'll eat your fish-stenched body and serve it to Deidara, then eat him as well."**

The man named 'Deidara' cried and turned to the orange haired man with multiple piercings. Then, when Deidara made sure that the orange haired man was acknowledging his existence, he jabbed his index finger at the cannibal. "See! I told you Pein-sama! Zetsu always makes fun of me by threatening me and/or uses my name in a cannibalistic threat!"

In return, Pein sighed and clutched his head at his _dear _teammate. Before Pein could say anything, Zetsu's dark side chuckled. **"Hehe, my dear she-male, threats are something someone says but doesn't actually fulfill in the end. I am not using threats because if I actually want to ea—" **

"Don't finish that sentence." All of the males in the room held up their hands and pointed a ridiculed finger at the black-white man.

"Don't you fucking bastards change the topic! I want an explanation, now! And if I don't get one, I'm going to fucking kick your asses!" Everyone's attentions turned back to the mad pinky, who's back was glued to the wall and had a fistful of greenish chakra at disposal.

Zetsu's dark side took over again and smirked. **"Now that was a threat." **Sakura's eyes blazed pinkish red and charged at him, with double the amount of chakra then before. "Let's see if that really was a threat of not!"

Sakura's fist landed solidly on a cheek, clearly shattering the cheek bone of the poor, unlucky, naked organism. But it wasn't Zetsu's. Sakura's retreated her fist back down to her fighting stance and realized that she had struck the silver haired man who, by the look things, was still in the middle of unsheathing his scythe. What a slow attacker.

"Fuck you, bitch!" A shot of profanity came bursting out of the barely conscious slow-attacker as he finally took out his scythe and was preparing to attack head on. As he jumped towards the pinky, well, more like 'pranced', Zetsu appeared arruptly in front of him and slapped an open palm at his face. "When I say 'shut up', I mean everyone." Then added by his dark persona, **"Or I'll fucking eat you too..."**

A series of pushing and screaming and shouts of censored crap, the Akatsuki finally managed to leave all the talking to Sasori, Zetsu, and Pein. Or as the rest called them, Boss, Bossy, and Bossier.

They also somehow managed to calm down their pink-haired temper head. Well, lets just say some jelly-filled donuts were involved. "Mmkay, ffrate taffking writte nffaugh! (Okay, start talking right now)", Sakura demanded, managing to muffle out choked words. She then swallowed the donut. "Or _I'll _bust those _man-parts_ of yours..."

The blue skinned shark looking man gulped and tensed. His hold on his overly-sized sword gripped tighter as well. Somehow, the pink girl freaked him out even when the girl was 3 times smaller and more fragile than him. Hehe...

"O-okay, for some reason, I don't think she's threatening you people this time..." The said large man laughed awkwardly and pointed his blue index finger in warning at the pink menace. "Temper-san seems... Tempery..."

A tick mark appeared out of nowhere on Temper-san's large forehead. She is starting to loose her patience with these... ridiculous and naked men. Well, considering if she had any patience. Sakura wasn't famous for her patience. She didn't have ANY patience. No patience. None... Now I'm getting inpatient saying patient a gazillion times and boring you readers and myself for writing all of this crap. Patience, people, patience. Fuck.

"Your strange blue friend is right, I'm _not_ threatening you— Hidan, keep you eyes, AWAY from my ass..." Sakura growled when she caught Hidan blushing and whimpering at Sakura's butt. Everyone stared at Hidan with an annoyed stare while some gave him a direct look of jealously. Hidan laughed nervously and backed away from the 'some' who were giving him a death glare. When they're eyes left Hidans with some hesitation, Hidan muttered, "Fucking bastards. Can't I have any fun? Who knew there was competition?"

The pink kunoichi sighed and continued her 'threat'. "As I was saying, I'm not threatening you, for I _will_ cause you to loose something precious _if_ you _keep_ on wasting my time, _got it?_" She spat out, filling the room with the sound of hate and menace. While some of the Akatsuki were giving each other wimpers and whatnot, the three males who were the 'talkers', or in their teammates case, Boss, Bossy, and Bossier, stepped up in front of Sakura, but still staying within a safe zone just in case.

* * *

"Okay, let me get this straight... You," Sakura pointed at Pein, ''felt the need to make a devious plot to earn a few bucks by selling the Akatsuki, your so-called _team. _Then all of you got into a fight for the spot of Leader because Pein got stuck in a _coma_ because you," she aimed her finger at Deidara, "annoyed him so much by your gay-act—"

"It wasn't an act, yeah. I really do love Pein-kun~" Deidara popped hearts into his eyes and grinned a cheeky grin. He floated off into his own 'world' and giggled madly. When everyone stared at him creeped out, especially Pein, the one who had his mouth open the widest, Deidara froze suddenly.

"... Did I say that out loud? Yeah?" He backed away slowly in stealth mode and leaped under the couch, but then realized that he _wasn't_ a cat anymore and he could _never_ fit under there... Ugh... Instead, he just looked at Pein, and...

Winked.

Okay, new theory. Sasori≠Gay. Deidara=Gay.

"Get the fuck out of the house."

* * *

Back to the discussion. The scene was quite inspirational actually. A girl, with a huge unbelievable temper, sitting on the couch listening to the scariest, most dangerous, psycho killer group calmly, eating jelly donuts. The windows were open, allowing a tiny, cool, evening breeze to travel into the living room and brush past the people inside. If you looked to the left of the window, the evening birds play fighting with eachother and biting each other's heads off, and feeding said heads to their family, and chirping in joy as their final poop for the day landed in a guys vanilla ice cream. Then the guy obliviously took a lick on the delish dessert... And then finding the nearest yard to vomit on...

And if you looked to the right, you could see a dumb blond she-male, arms crossed across the chest, with his underwear used as something to be hooked on while being hanged from the roof. Ah, beautiful, ne?

"... I got dumped by Pein-kun... Sob, why? Yeah..."

* * *

"I think that pretty much covers it Haruno." Sasori's light hazel orbs stared at Sakura. He was really surprised but glad that Sakura actually sat down to listen to what they needed to tell her. With all the shinobi bios and secret information gathered by rogue ninjas working under them, he as well as everyone in the organization, know that Sakura Haruno was _not_ someone to be ordered around.

Sakura frowned at her 'mission'. She didn't ask for this, and of course, she didn't want to fulfill it. But when a _deadly_ and _infamous_ killer organization comes butt-naked into a little girl's house, chances are, they're desperate. So she decided to help them out, even if it means betraying all of Konoha and even other ninja nations.

"Okay, I'll help you. But remember our deal? As soon as I finish helping you, you get out of Konoha leaving _nothing_ behind, and _never_ harm Naruto or try to capture him again, got it?" As the Akatsuki all nodded in agreement, Sakura wasn't completly telling the truth. No, she wasn't lying or fibbing, she wasn't telling the truth. There's a difference.

Sakura wasn't going to keep this whole thing a secret. She has a much bigger concience and this just wouldn't do. She was going to have to inform Kakashi or Tsunade. Or even the Kazekage. Or maybe Ino-pig. She wasn't sure about who to spill to, but it has to be someone who could keep a secret. Okay, Naruto's out of the options.

"Alright then! You guys have to keep in touch with water to remain humans, or when the sun is down at night." Sakura turned her head slightly backwards to take in view of the time on the red livingroom clock. It was a rounded red cirle with an inner white circle, and the clock hands and numbers filled the middle. "Right now, it's almost 8:30 so... I guess we don't have to worry about you guys staying humans... Althought _I_ would prefere you staying that way..." Sakura mumbled the last part to herself.

"Um... Sakura-chan? Tobi has a question!" Dispite the fact that Sakura still didn't allow _anyone_ to call her by her first name, only 'Haruno' or 'Haruno-san'—what Sasori, Itachi, Pein, Zetsu, and Kakuzu calls her—, and the occasional 'Pinky' or 'Temper-san', what Hidan and Kisame calls her, (they only got away with calling her that _once_, not twice or thrice. _Once_. They other 4 and a half times, they ended up in a really... _uncomfortable_ position. Lets just say Hidan and Kisame got _much more_ closer together than they ever want to be), she always had a soft spot for her little-widdle Donut-chan.

Sakura smiled and answered like a mother cooing to her baby, "yes Tobi-san?" Tobi grinned and pointed down, towards... "Because Tobi is a good boy, and Tobi wants to keep Tobi's goodboyness, Tobi is asking if Sakura-chan could provide Tobi with some coverage down here."

...

.....

.......

"... W-what's your s-size...?"

* * *

**As all of you probably could tell, my writing styles changed a bit and so are the personalities of the characters, especially Sakura's. Sakura's personality was too OOC and it bothered me to no end! Oh the agony! So, I'm just telling you, this stories going to get a little bit more serious and lovey, and less goofy and messed up. If you don't like that, then read some of my other stories, they're pretty silly, I think...**

**And the Konan/Pein, Pein/Sakura, and Konan/Sakura vote is still going!!! I'm pretty sure most of you want Pein/Sakura, and just under it, wants Konan/Pein, and Sakura/Konan suggestions were considered. I'm still not sure how to put Konan in the story and make Pein like Sakura, I mean, KONAN AND PEIN ARE MEANT TO BE! Even thought I'm a huge Pein/Saku fan, Konan/Pein is more right! So give me suggestions people! How can I incorparate Konan into this story and still have PEIN/SAKU? WITH KONAN/PEIN AS WELL?!?!?! It would be greatly appreciated if someone gave an idea! Please!!! I'm desperate!**

**And I have a question as well~ Yes, I'm very annoying today~ Can anyone give me a brief explanation of the couples and 'moments' together that they're going to have? I WILL use the ides and GIVE credit to those who do, so please tell me in a review or note or something.**

**Taaataaaa my beeeeautiful readers! REVIEW! COMMENT! FLAME! Anything's fine...**

**-Inkaide**

**P.S, I don't understand why some of the readers believe that there will be no more chapters after this... Does it seem like my stories coming to an end? Because this is NOT the final chapter, it's far from it! Ideas for the story are welcome (cuz I'm running out of crack ideas D:)**


	6. Fuck it

Notice.

As all of you people realised, I haven't updated my stories for over... *Checks* 6 Frigging Months.

Mostly because I lost interest in Naruto, and began to lean slowly towards another anime called 'Katekyo Hitman Reborn." I even stopped reading and watching the anime and manga! Le GASP!

But with that being said, I'll still find some way to continue the story. Because the guilt fairies will come and haunt me, torture me, and eventually sufficate me.

I actually finished half of the next chapter of Meowz! but sadly, I always type my stories INSIDE the document manager and because I haven't checked my FF account for over 60 days, the documents got erased and I lost EVERYTHING. Every mother fucking document which included parts for all my stories. So unless someone knows how retrieve lost documents, I won't be continuing this story until I feel like it.

Apologies,

Inkaide.


End file.
